2022-12-01 Memory of...

Yesterday I was putting Young One to sleep, which was pretty annoying because it took a very long time, so to calm myself down I started imagining the place where I would rest best. Today I returned to that place in my imagination, because it turned out to be a very interesting exercise, and I began filling it in further. At one point I got to a wardrobe that was supposed to contain only my clothes. In my mind I was hanging various jackets and sweaters in it, until I got to the hoodie that J. really likes. And then I felt deeply moved and full of longing. And I started checking how many other things my memory of her lives in.

- In my hoodie, the sporty one, which I don't like very much, but J. likes it because she says I look good in it.

- In my shoes, because she bought them together with me.

- In the huge teddy bear that lies on our bed, which I got for my birthday, because even though she didn't buy it herself, it was her idea, and every time I look at it, it reminds me of her warm love for me.

- In the wedding ring I wear on the ring finger of my right hand, which she put on me so that I would remember her love and faithfulness.

- In our bed, for which she chose the bedding and bought a ton of pillows.

- In "Ojciec Mateusz", because we watched it obsessively after Young One was born.

- In "Ranczo", because we watched it obsessively before Young One was born.

- In the letters and notes she wrote to me, which I carefully collect.

- In Battleships, because we should apologize to the trees for the amount of paper we used playing it when I was sick.

- In chess, because we spent quite a few mornings and evenings on it after watching a lot of "The Queen's Gambit".

- In the game of Thousand, because it filled our entire COVID isolation.

- In the banknote clipped with a paperclip and the little note, the leftover money I paid for the outfit I had to wear during the birth, which I have kept as a keepsake ever since.

- In our little daughter, who inherited her smile.

- In that gray vase I bought her in Kraków.

- In Galeria Olimp in Bełchatów, because we went to the cinema there to see "Star Wars", right before we officially became a couple.

- In every cat, because J. loves cats, and whenever she sees one she starts getting excited in a very adorable way.

- In our housing estate in Teofilów, because we used to go for walks there.

- In our block in Teofilów, because I remember how at night we carried Young One up there in her car seat, and J. would run ahead and open the staircase door for me so it would be faster.

- In every happy couple I see, because it reminds me of how J. loves me.

- In my toothbrush, because her toothbrush always stands faithfully beside it.

- In my lips, because they will never forget her kisses.

- In my hands, because she often holds them when one of us is feeling bad, when we go somewhere, when we fall asleep, when we look into each other's eyes and pray.

- In the small cross she gave me.

- In Galeria Krakowska, because we were there at least once a week when we lived in Kraków.

- In Rondo Mogilskie, because we passed through it almost every day.

- In the Kraków City Hall, because the trip to get her ID card was unforgettable thanks to pregnancy nausea.

- In the Cistercian Abbey in Mogiła, because that evening when we went there was actually pretty nice, even though at the beginning there was a bit of tension.

- In our neighborhood by Mogilska Street, because we walked up and down that staircase there like almost nowhere else.

- In our Kraków apartment, because it was our first apartment together.

- In every suitcase, because she is always the one who packs us, since she is much better at it than I am.

- In lasagna, because she makes it relatively often, despite how long it takes.

- In Instagram, because even though I don't really like it and hardly use it at all, J. sends me some funny videos in private messages every day, which I usually don't even watch.

- In various Switch games we played together.

And in many other things that I will probably keep noticing over time. After just one year of our marriage, I was surprised by how many places and objects had become irrevocably intertwined with J. I hope that this ever-stronger intertwining will also show itself in our relationship and love. And I am very happy about it.