2022-12-10 Hybrid Calisthenics and the will to live

There was a period in my life when I would get up in the morning, take a cold shower, then work out, go to work, and do that every day. Sometimes the order changed, first there was work (possibly a long prayer or meditation beforehand), then work, then the gym, a cold shower, and sauna. It was such a nice period in my life that I felt like I basically had everything figured out. There was still this restlessness in me that pushed me forward, that said there was something more, but it was quite positive, it pushed me toward change. But I also felt a fear, which is still in me now, that everything I’m doing is worth nothing.

Since then, a lot has changed in my life. I got married, Młoda was born, and we’re waiting for another tiny one. What I had already put in order is now bearing fruit, but at the same time it turned out that a lot of things have appeared that I still need to put in order: married life, family life, new responsibilities. I’m still getting lost in it all the time, and my tendency to mainly see my own mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses doesn’t help; it tends to create hopelessness and pessimism. I worry a lot. I think that because of this, a large part of my days switches from “living” mode to “surviving” mode. I’m glad when the day is finally ending, and at the same time I feel guilty that I should be happy; that everything is fine.

Yesterday I had one of those harder days. Doctor in the morning, then work, where I tried to do as much as possible. On top of that, some other tensions. In the evening I was really broken. I felt I needed to somehow release that energy, I wanted to go to the gym, get out of the house for a bit and change the context, but I was thinking that I should spend time with the girls, and that way I’d only be back for putting them to sleep. J. helped me, she told me to go. The effort let me get rid of tiring thoughts and tension. Today I started wondering how I could exercise more often. I’d like to be in better shape for my physical and mental health, and for the kids: I think that if I live healthily myself, I’ll also be able to teach them that. I remembered the guy who runs the Hybrid Calisthenics channel. I’ve always liked his positive attitude and authenticity. I want to watch some of his videos and start introducing some regular exercise into my life. But that’s not the point. On his channel he also has, among other things, a video about cold showers. I watched the beginning and started wondering what my life would look like if I started the day with a cold shower. Actively like that. Not as torture, but as a healthy wake-up, a shot of energy and stimulation that I would want, to start living right away. How it might change my thinking if I put more energy into life and lived more positively. If I didn’t passively give in to the rhythm of the day, ending the evening exhausted, wanting only to lie on the bed and rest before another day filled with things I don’t want to do, but instead proactively faced the challenges ahead of me, applying myself to them even when the situation doesn’t force me to. Maybe I’d be healthier and more satisfied with my life? I want to try it.