Note from December 30, 2022, 1:00 PM

Młoda didn’t sleep great today. From midnight on she slept with us, or actually first she spent an hour trying to fall asleep, so she was fidgeting, getting up, and pulling our hair. On top of that, we didn’t go to bed especially early ourselves, because we were talking, so today we’re both pretty sleep-deprived. I feel really tired. I tried to take a nap with Ida, but I couldn’t really fall asleep. I also drank half a cup of coffee and I think that also adds to the tiredness. I feel like I function better without coffee. Even so, I managed to get quite a lot done today. I cleaned the house a bit, washed the toilet, the toilet brush, and that little container for it (bleh…). I’m actually quite proud of that. Still, I have the impression that the more things I do, the colder I become toward my loved ones, and I don’t know where that comes from. Maybe tiredness, maybe the fact that I’m eating a bit differently now (a few days ago I went back to intermittent fasting, because I didn’t like that, basically outside of sleeping hours, I was eating something every few moments), maybe it’s something else, although right now I don’t know what. Either way, I accepted it as a fact and tried to account for this coldness and irritability of mine throughout the day. I tried to smile at the girls and tell them I love them whenever I had enough energy for it to be sincere. I don’t think it went too badly, but I still need to ask J. about it. I’m trying to learn how to function while tired, because I’m afraid that with two kids we’ll have less rest. I’m trying to prepare for that. To change my thinking, attitude, and expectations. In any case, things are good and they’ll be good, or at least I believe that.