2023-03-13 Meditation and going back in time

Using the phrase used by The Food Emperor, I am a crafty dickhead. But one thing at a time.

Lately I’ve been using the app Waking Up, which I heard about from Karol Paciorek on the Lekko Stronniczy channel. I’ve already used various apps that teach meditation, or somehow guide or support it, but after some time I always gave up. When Karol mentioned this particular one, I decided to give it a try after all. I won’t go on about it too much, but I quite like it. The introductory course seems more accessible to me and explains more than the ones in other apps.

Sometimes I get “moments” in a notification, short recordings meant to snap me out of this kind of “automatic life” during the day. And actually, one of those “moments” hit me the hardest. There was this thought in it that every moment in life appears and passes. That if I have a daughter, there will come a moment when I do certain things with her for the last time. Maybe I won’t even know it’s the last time. It’s easy for us to take a lot of things for granted, that since something is there, tomorrow it will be the same too. And because of that, these “ordinary” moments slip past us. And when we start realizing more often that what we’re doing now may be the last moment exactly like this, we remind ourselves what value it really has.

Recently J. and I watched the film “About Time”. The main character can travel through time, for example to experience an important moment differently, or repeat it. And over time he discovers the value of an ordinary day, he learns to live it in a way that lets him get as much out of it as possible. He doesn’t even need to go back in time anymore.

Honestly, I thought it was just a light romantic film. But combined with this particular “memento mori” from Waking Up, it gave me an image of how it’s worth thinking about my life. I’m now trying to train myself to remind myself of its value as often as possible during the day. And I do that by imagining that I’ve already lived this day once, and that I’ve come back to it to live it again, this time to enjoy it and be amazed by it. A simple exercise, but the effects are incredible. When something annoys me, I remind myself, “I’ve already lived through this, why get pissed off about it again,” and I let that anger go, I don’t attach myself to it. Instead, I observe the whole situation with curiosity and respond as if I were here for the second time. What emotional freedom that gives! There’s no impulsive action, instead there is observation, interest, a slight smile, and a considered response. Of course, I have to practice it, because the old way of thinking doesn’t go away that easily.

But why am I a crafty dickhead?

Well, Waking Up is available as a yearly subscription for 100 dollars. In PLN it’s less, around 220 zł. In any case, it’s still a lot, considering that I know myself and I know there’s a good chance I’ll stop using it fairly quickly. Sam Harris, the creator of the app, writes in his emails, though, that it’s important to give people access to knowledge about meditation, so if someone can’t afford it, they can contact him through a form where there are different options to choose from for how much you’re able to pay, and that becomes the price for a year of subscription, or simply a “full scholarship”, meaning a free subscription for 6 months. I was planning to ask for the option to buy it for around 100 zł, and the $29 option is something around that... but I quickly concluded that there’s a good chance I won’t use it for the whole year, so I asked for the $0 subscription, which gives access only for 6 months :P If I’m still using the app then, I’ll buy access to reward the creators for their work. Word.