Note from March 21, 2023, 1:00 PM

Today it was the catheter all day and nothing, though the nerves were already getting worse. Technically, alert all day, but still… waiting. I’m reading “Waking Up” by Sam Harris and wondering, if every moment is special, is there anything in this one that makes it more special than the others? Maybe not. But with that thought, I’m trying to live through today more consciously and attentively. The unusualness of the situation doesn’t let routine cover up the details of life. J.’s hair and eyes are beautiful, as always. And her smile could replace all sunny days for me.

After coming back home for the night, I still have the desynchronized song of six hospital elevators in my head, endlessly circling between floors. Nightmare.