Note from April 4, 2023, 2:00 PM

Today I thoroughly cleaned the vacuum cleaner, which had been waiting for it for a while. I washed the sink. I went with Młoda to the parish to get some papers needed for Młodsza's Baptism. We also picked up a package from the parcel locker, with two bottles of cod liver oil, one for the kids, the other for me and J. I threw away empty package boxes from the kitchen. I also printed and filled out the rest of the papers I need for work in connection with the birth and leaves. Besides that, I read quite a lot, played, and spent time with Młoda. But the whole day I was unhappy and pissed off. Something felt off. Maybe partly because there was no plan for the day. It’s easy to let everything slide when you’re on this kind of care leave and sitting at home. You can get a lot done, but you can also not do anything. I have some learning to do for work, but when the day is so unstructured, it’s hard to get started. At the same time there’s guilt that maybe I should spend more time with Młoda, who is trying with all her might to get someone’s attention. And rage, because I feel torn and I don’t know whether I’m worrying about everything too much, or others too little. Or me too little, because at the same time I imagine someone is about to chew me out for making a bad decision by studying and not spending time with Młoda.

I argue with people in my head too much.